Artificial Insemination

This is something that really annoys me. I'm not for the voluntary single parent families that seem to spring up.

Im for artificial insemination but when it is used to produce a child for a two parent family whether same sex or not. I believe children are better off raised by two parents, as I have said in another thread, so that they can both take responsibility for that child.

It is a struggle to raise children and for people to just wake up and decide to have children just because they are aging is not a good idea. People need to start having children only when they are sure they can actually be responsible for them and balance their life and children.

it's kind of disheartening to me that someone at 30 is making the decision that they will never find someone to have a baby with and opt to inseminate. 30 is young! don't give up too soon.

far too often people live for finding love.  they base their entire life around finding someone. while love is a big part of life, you need to worry about your own well-being first! if you're too busy worrying you will never get anywhere! people always feel like they're less of a human being because they haven't found love by a certain age. i have people in my family and friends who are in their 50s in their first real relationships, and they couldn't be happier!

but back to your original topic, i agree with the 1st poster who replied. just because they feel like they're getting too old doesn't mean they need to have a child. there's major maturity and responsibility issues that need to be dealt with here.

Last edited by shawnapulito (08-18-2008 21:13)

I understand divorced families and widowed families with children but I do not agree with single women having children because there is this belief that love alone can raise a child but this is not true. There is more to it. Financial security is good to have but another partner to help iq also better. It also brings more stability in the childs life.

My only problem with that is the whole over-population deal. The earth is reaching its carrying capacity, and it doesn't have the means to support all of these unecessary offspring. It'd be better if they could adopt and give a familyless kid a chance

anchoredwunderlust wrote:

numba1bimbx wrote:

I understand divorced families and widowed families with children but I do not agree with single women having children because there is this belief that love alone can raise a child but this is not true. There is more to it. Financial security is good to have but another partner to help iq also better. It also brings more stability in the childs life.

but does the partner to help have to be in a relationship? why not her mother, brother, friend... a lot of people live in the sme house as their family.  im not saying there arent complications but relationships have just as many, hense why unis dont like you living with a partner. the way your child grows up will have a lot to do with how the relationship pans out

It's not their responsibility. Just because I choose to have a kid doesnt mean it is my mothers responsibility to look after my kid. Before someone has a child they should really think if they can actually give the child the full attention needed without burdening others if they cant then they are not too ready. I belive both parents of the children need to take responsibility whether together or not.

would you say that someone who has no intention of being in a relationship has no rights to have a child?

i think if people put a heck of a lot of thought in it should be ok. i certainly ont think it should be on a whim or because you are lacking in your own life, but that extends way into married couples also

IMHO, having a child is not just about what you want. People are increasingly selfish when it comes to having children now days, parents put what they want first rather than what is always best for their child.

We should not, out of a misguided concept of equality or fairness, pretend that there is an automatic right for anyone to have a child, regardless of sex.
A child that is deliberately brought into the world with no desire that there should be a man or a woman who is the parent is brought in with a disadvantage.

Directly concerning the OP, i think that your friends views are very disheartening and selfish. Yes, a baby might love you, but it is incredibly hard work- also, babies don't stay small and cute forever, i'm sure not many of these maternal singletons foresee themselves stuck at some point with a rebellious bratty 14 year old child who disrespects them and hates their boyfriend etc?
Another thing i don't think they consider is that, say they've given up on trying to find a partner and so have a baby, but then some years down the line they do find a man they fall deeply in love with. What will they do when they find out that this guy is (quite understandably) not into dating single women who have children? Would you want to date a guy who's got a little kid/s (think about it- loud sex in the house would be out of the question, if you wanted to go anywhere for the evening you would have to hire a babysitter, if you wanted to go for a holiday break with your guy you probably wouldn't be able to afford to, the kid may also hate you because you're not their real mum etc etc)?

A child should not be a replacement for a failed love life.

Also especially in today's financial climate, it is more difficult than ever to be able to afford to raise children on your own (unless you go on benefits, however i strongly disagree with that- why should other taxpayers have to pay to raise your child?). I don't think you should even consider having children if you know you are going to seriously financially struggle raising them- don't bring children into the world if you can't pay for them.

anchoredwunderlust wrote:

would you say that someone who has no intention of being in a relationship has no rights to have a child?

Doesn't the child have the right to have a father present in their life? By using IVF, you are deciding straight off before the child is even born that it is not going to have a father in its life.

anchoredwunderlust wrote:

i think you can have a normal family that way. for a lot of people having a baby is more important to then than relationships and jobs et al and when they get to a later age they want to ensure they can still have a healthy baby. it doesnt seem that they all have given up the dream. personally if i did have a child i wouldnt want a partner because then i can make the decisions clearly and theres no undermining. its different for different people. im not saying its commonly ideal because some children benefit from having male/female role models or from more than one adult, but for some people it fits perfectly. certainly better than risking a bad role model.

I think you have a very negative (perhaps biased) view towards relationships- why does a partner have to be undermining or be a bad role model?

At the end of the day, not everybody is perfect- there are just as many bad fathers out there as bad mothers. But if you are in a bad relationship/one with issues (or one that is not very long term i.e. less than 2years), then you shouldn't even consider having a child together.

When you bring a child into the one, IMHO you should aim to bring it into the world in the best circumstances (i.e. you should have money to raise the child, have a place to stay at, be in a stable relationship, have or have had a good career etc). I don't think having a child just because you want one is the best thing, because when you have a child your life changes and everything you do from the moment you are pregnant should be done in the best interests of the child.

Personally i think a child has the right to have a father- how would you have felt if you had never known your father (and never will do) because your mother failed in relationships and decided that you would be better off being an IVF child and never knowing your father or having the chance to know him?

Sure, single mothers can raise children fine. But there is no denying, that a stable loving two parent relationship is far better for a child than a single loving parent any day. Children learn a great deal from their parents relationship and benefit from having a father figure. There is also the financial stability that two parents can offer- living alone on your own is expensive enough in society these days, but having to support a child is even worse- I strongly disagree with people sponging off benefits just so they can have children.

Also, i think that it is an abuse of IVF just to use it so you can have a child in place of a long line of failed relationships. IVF was never created so that single people could have children when their relationships failed- IVF was created so that infertile couple's could have children together.

Last edited by Tokis (08-19-2008 10:58)

numba1bimbx wrote:

Thank you very much Tokis for a very reasoned post.

Thanks numba1bimbx too, i totally agree with your posts on this topic .

Last edited by Tokis (08-19-2008 11:07)

Tokis wrote:

numba1bimbx wrote:

Thank you very much Tokis for a very reasoned post.

Thanks numba1bimbx too, i totally agree with your posts on this topic .

Thank you both! 
I didn't know how to put my doubts about this in words to tell my friends but I do now! 

I don't think they should make such a sweeping statement.
People can find love at any age, and if they really cant find a man but want a baby, they should try for adoption (an unwanted child with an unwanted woman, they can give each other love )
but ultimatly its their choice i guess