I need some advice from a guy....

The first question I have is: how did you break up?  Was it your idea?  If so, it sounds like he still wants to be with you, but since he can't get physical intimacy from you anymore, he's found a girl on the rebound for that.

Miss Kristen wrote:

I broke up with him, stupidly.  I really just wanted to get more attention from him.

Sounds like you got it, then.  In my opinion, guys have two needs from women: first for physical intimacy, but secondly (and more importantly) for companionship.  Ideally you get them from the same woman in your life, but it's possible to split them up between a boring girlfriend and a good female friend.

You broke up with him because he was taking you for granted, and now he's trying to recreate what he lost as best he can.  As for what you should do now, I don't really have the experience to say, but I'll wager this is what's going on in his head.

Since he's already said he still has feelings for you, you wouldn't be going out on a limb if you just brought this up face-to-face.  He'd probably say yes, from the sound of it.

He's probably just trying to save face.  The last he knew, you wanted to break up, so he might not be assuming you still are interested.  Just tell him you're sorry and explain how you feel, and chances are he'll get back together with you.

Edit:  Oops, I'm not a guy, please excuse my presumption in posting.  But "virago" is an Elizabethan term for a woman that acts like a man, so I thought you might take that into consideration...

Last edited by virago317 (07-27-2008 17:27)

The first possible explanation is that he's interested in saving face, and he really does prefer you but doesn't want to admit he was wrong.  The second is that he is happy with his new girlfriend but he's scared of change and wants to have it both ways until he can come to terms with the breakup.  In either case, if he feels comfortable that he can keep hanging out with you in a facsimile of your old relationship, he's unlikely to make the decision any time soon.

All of these things seem like possibilities, but he has told his friends that he still cares about me and even said to me infront of one of his friends that he still loves me.  sigh..... I just don't know.

What would probably be best is for you to draw the line and refuse to let him be so intimate with you, until he decides he wants to get back together.  That might force him to make a decision sooner, and/or it will let you start to heal.  I hate to say it, but you need to consider the possibility that this is the beginning of the end of the relationship.  Breaking up isn't something to play with and will probably damage the trust between you.

Miss Kristen wrote:

SpoiledDivaPrincess wrote:

No one can say for certain exactly what he's thinking, but I can say that he has no incentive to clarify things to you.  Right now, he essentially has two girlfriends: he enjoys all the familiarity and physical intimacy of a girlfriend with you, and he still gets all that plus more from his new girlfriend.  He probably wants this state of affairs to last as long as possible.

That seems logical.  I guess I will just have to wait to see what happens,  I love him so much and would love to have him be my boyfriend again.

Sounds like he's a lucky guy in more ways than one.  I hope he makes the right decision.

Miss Kristen wrote:

virago317 wrote:

He's probably just trying to save face.  The last he knew, you wanted to break up, so he might not be assuming you still are interested.  Just tell him you're sorry and explain how you feel, and chances are he'll get back together with you.

I've done this a thousand times and he says he can't get back together with me until he can truly forgive me for what I did, and until he gives this new girlfriend a chance.

you wanted more attention in the relationship and weren't getting it so you broke up with him. yeah his feelings are probally hurt but in the meantime he finds another girlfriend. now it sounds like you might be jealous or made a mistake by breaking up with him. from his perspective he still has feelings for you but also has this new girlfriend which sounds like things are going fine with her. he maybe waiting to see if things pan out with this new girlfriend and if they don't then he will run back to you so he basically has you as a back up. because in his mind you broke up with him and whose to say that you wouldn't do it again if he got back together with you. If I was you I would say he has to chose between you or her.

You love him so much that hes walking all over you. I'm a guy and I tell you, I could enjoy spending time with many ladies--I could "love" them all too. But unless you want to share him with others, you need to take a stand...I don't think he will stop cheating on you--what he is doing. People fight all the time but they don't run off and find other BF, GF..they cool off and get back together.

Maybe you need to find another lover as well    For your own good.

Miss Kristen wrote:

I just hung out with him again last night and he said that he would give me another chance after him and his new girlfriend break up...... and his exact words were.... "wether it be a year or two from now"

ugh..............

Really, you need to stop letting this guy hang out with you.  At least stop taking his calls for a few days.

Miss Kristen wrote:

SpoiledDivaPrincess wrote:

Miss Kristen wrote:

I just hung out with him again last night and he said that he would give me another chance after him and his new girlfriend break up...... and his exact words were.... "wether it be a year or two from now"

ugh..............

Really, you need to stop letting this guy hang out with you.  At least stop taking his calls for a few days.

i try, but its easier said than done

You need something to keep your mind off him.  I think you should have a girls' night out and meet some new guys.  Don't worry about starting a new relationship, just talk with new people.