What should be first: a baby or marriage?

Marriage first! Never have children before, so many women do and the guy leaves, and then your screwed. Marriage is a life long commitment, and so is a child. At least if after the marriage breaks up, you can try for child support.

If you don't know where you stand before having a kid, then you aren't doing that well are you?

I don't have any children, don't really want them, and I am married. There are already way to many people on the planet.

In Poland, where I come from, it's normal that when a couple (no matter how young they are and how long they have been together for) is going to have a baby and they are not married (this baby is of course not planned), they are forced by family and society to get married. And they even think by themselves that they should do it for a baby, to make a normal family for him/her. On the other hand, one of my English friends has 3 children with 3 different women and he is not married to any of them! Obviously, he can't pay too many attention to any of them.
Which situation is better/worse? Any opinions?

If people will want to eventually get married then its probably best to do it first. But some people dont believe in marriage anyway but still want children.

Even though I personally see Marriage as important whether you are religous or not, my partner is not at all religious and sees at nothing of a nessecity even though he tells me that one day we probably will. But I think he only says that because he knows it is more important to me.
Personally I couldnt have children before marriage, but thats just the values that I have grown up around.
Modern times makes unmarried families a lot less thought down upon

riverrita wrote:

Marriage first! Never have children before, so many women do and the guy leaves, and then your screwed. Marriage is a life long commitment, and so is a child. At least if after the marriage breaks up, you can try for child support.

If you don't know where you stand before having a kid, then you aren't doing that well are you?

I don't have any children, don't really want them, and I am married. There are already way to many people on the planet.

have you heard of 'divorce'?
married or not, the father/or mother must pay child support. You can be in a very unstable marriage, or a healthy de-facto relationship..... I have been with my BOYFRIEND for 10 years. we have a two year old. I know where I stand. A ring won't make much difference. I think it is very easy to have all these ideals while you are childess. People say babies complicate things, but in my experience once you have a child everything becomes very simple.

my point- All you need is LOVE

Last edited by lilsway (07-21-2008 07:53)

ditto im agreeing too.

why would a piece of paper make ur relationship stronger and last?

im not married either and ive got a 7mth old girl.

since when is marriage supposed to be about financial support/issues?
i don't think you should have to be married to have kids.
as somebody already said, marriage doesn't make a relationship stronger. in fact many unmarried couples could be a lot stronger than married couples.

jadeypants wrote:

since when is marriage supposed to be about financial support/issues?
i don't think you should have to be married to have kids.
as somebody already said, marriage doesn't make a relationship stronger. in fact many unmarried couples could be a lot stronger than married couples.

I think ther e is a finacial aspect to nearly everything people do...
Your  partner owns the house.  He dies, the house reverts to his parents per the legal system.  If they don't like you you now have no insurance money or place to live.  Opps.

I'm not saying you need to get married to have kids. I'm telling you that you might be able to lower your risk with it.

Our discussion is getting interesting... Thanks for all your opinions and, please, more

Marriage. I don't feel like going into it right now.
Too many crazy children around (I work at camp).


Then again, I don't even want kids. I'd consider adoption maybe, if I had to have a kid.

Last edited by Maebelyne (07-22-2008 21:13)

My son is ILLIGITIMATE. I don't find that anyone thinks any less of him, or his parents, because of this. The three of us are a family, and even though we aren't married, we are still legally recognised as FAMILY.He is loved, cared for, well fed, intelligent, stable, mostly well behaved (well, he's two lol) and people always comment on his good manners. SO THERE.

Last edited by lilsway (07-23-2008 05:34)

RayneKami wrote:

Well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion so my "should" certainly wouldn't be everyone's "should". I say marriage first. That way, you know, there's guaranteed child support if he ups and leaves.

but if you live together for more than 3 months ( i think) aren't you considered  common law husband and wife? which leaves you entitled to everything of his and vice versa.

sensiblepixie wrote:

Definitely marriage. There's still this stigma on children born out of wedlock.

I would agree. marriage before children.