Things not to say to a naked man.

(Unless he deserves it.)

   1. Oh, it's so cute.

   2. I'm so sorry.

   3. I've smoked joints fatter than that.

   4. Who circumcised you?

   5. Why don't we just cuddle?

   6. You know they have surgery to fix that.

   7. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.

   8. Can I paint a smiley face on that?

   9. Wow, and your feet are so big.

  10. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.

  11. It's OK, we'll work around it.

  12. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.

  13. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

  14. Oh no, a flash headache!

  15. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.

  16. Let me go get my tweezers.

  17. How sweet, you brought incense!

  18. This explains your car.

  19. Are you one of those pygmies?

  20. All right! A treasure hunt!

  21. Why is God punishing you?

  22. But it still works, right?

  23. Do you take steroids?

  24. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

  25. Let me know when you're done.

  26. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?

  27. Aww, it's hiding.

  28. Are you cold?

  29. If you get me real drunk first.

  30. Is that an optical illusion?

  31. Were you neutered?

  32. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.

  33. Does it come with an air pump?

  34. Wow, some place to put my rings.

  35. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!

  36. So this is why I'm supposed to judge people on personality.