Self Harm

i self harmed from i was 11 n finally quit 1 year and a half ago. im left with deep ugly scars and wish i had never started but noone realised i was doin it for a good 3 years. it was my way of rationalising the pain i was feeling inside, you know make it physical,eventually i broke the cycle and now ispeak to teenagers in schools about it and how self harm only makes the pain worse and how u should always go and talk to someone you trust than try to deal with it yourself

this subject usually makes me upset because its horrid for those that do it, but for once im reading this kind of subject and smiling because it proves all of us that have self-harmed are not alone, and all have our stories to tell and its nice to see others listening and respecting each other.
i think this subject shows all those who self-harm in any way, that there is hope, as we are all strangers to each other on here and we may cross paths without knowing lol but still nice words and opinions are exchanged it kinda gives me a warm feeling and a broad smile

I did for years, and on occasion I still do.

I self harmed twice this year for the first time. My brother and sister found out when i was playing with my hair and they noticed the fresh scars. I promised them that i would never do it again, but i am scared that i might relapse. i find the scars kind of comforting.

Lilmissbabe1986 wrote:

i agree with all the posts on here too many people judge those who have self-harmed as being silly immature etc and just attention seeking and they dont realise what really goes on underneith, to me pain was my relief and my escape and it worked to an extent i would fell relieved but then lousy but it was hard to stop once you have started it never really goes away it will always be with you i think about it but would never do it again but its still there with me and when i see my scars i feel so guilty as i never want my children to go down that road as self-harm is the worst addiction ever im also free for anyone to pm me about anything even if you just having a bad day and need to get stress out i almost always have my computer logged in so anything just msge me

As a person who never harmed myself, maybe I can tell you why people very often think so. And I am not excusing them! There is no excuse for being cruel and bulling!
First, for a person who would never think about hurting themselves seriously it is very hard to imagine somebody would do it because it makes them feel better - so they may think you grit your teeth and do it because you think it's cool. And people who do self harm sometimes tell flash with their wounds and scares, and talk about suicide and so on, so many people may think they try to impress others or be cool.
And unfortunately, it can become a fashion, but not in 'just fashion' way, but I think if a child has emotional problems and he/she hears and reads about self harm and suicides, he/she may think it's cool and try it...
When I was 16 I had a friend who talked a lot about suicide, claimed she had suicide trials (I don't know if it was true), she beared a razor and scrubbed her wrist with it by me. Now I realise she probably had serious problems, but then she kept on feeling me very bad for long time until she vanished without goodbye. At the beginning she was very nice and spent a lot of time with me. Then she started to behave strangly, it seems that she still enjoyed my companionship, but it looked like she forced herself to be mean to me. Especially when she saw she wouldn't impress me with her talking about 'feeling low' and suicide fascinations. Maybe she needed care then, but I was only a child and she was so unpleasant and cruel. I tried to make her feel cheery, but she forced herself to show 'she is low', for example she laughed of my jokes and forced herself to stop - I could see that.
Now I still don't know if she hurted herself or tried to commit suicide, but surely she had some problems.
But what I wanted to tell you is you cannot expect children, who often have their own problems (which teenager haven't), to deal with others' problems, and as scary as self-harm, like proffesional therapists.

Last edited by Vampie (10-05-2008 21:00)

I don't think she was self-harming. I think she had problems of different kind. I don't think I know anyone who does it, unless he/she is keeping it in secret.
I just wanted to say that there is real fashion for such 'suicidal image' and most proabably the people who really suffer of those disorders are not the ones who flash and try to impress collegues.

I am not judging. I just try to show you the other side view, like you show me yours.
Couldn't most problems like this be soothed with understanding?
The other thing is for some people (i.e. me) the look of someone's wounds is worse than look of my own wounds, and the look of someone hurting themselves is really, highly unpleasant. I almost feel like it's done to me.

Vampie wrote:

I am not judging. I just try to show you the other side view, like you show me yours.
Couldn't most problems like this be soothed with understanding?
The other thing is for some people (i.e. me) the look of someone's wounds is worse than look of my own wounds, and the look of someone hurting themselves is really, highly unpleasant. I almost feel like it's done to me.

yeah i understand what you mean but i cant speak for all but alot of the times i self-harmed i didnt think of others or me i felt nothing but a black cloud and its so hard to explain, i knew others that self harmed and it hurt me so much when i found out (another reason i will never do it again) i think we are all different as individuals and do things differently. but self harm itself is not just cutting wrists, drinking in excess to block things is a form of self- abuse or even anorexia etc there are a lot of different forms of abuse,

Vampie wrote:

All forms of self-abuse are so alien for me, I can only try to imagine... It is so scary...
Maybe you should write what a person should do if he discovers/ knows someone with such problem?

yeah its hard to say what to do, i might just do that once my daughters asleep ( shes jigging on my lap at minute lol )

Vicky Smalls wrote:

How can you tell the difference between someone who has a serious condition, and someone who really is just looking for attention?

I had a friend who cut her wrists all the time, but I'm 95% sure that it was for attention.
I am NOT saying that people self-harm for attention, I'm just saying she did.
When she first starting doing it, its was a kind of 'popular' thing, and a lot of her friends were doing it.
I remember when she first showed me, she called me on the phone and said "want to go to the movies? I have something to show you!" Then she was so excited about it.
It was really disturbing because her and friends would compare wrists to see who could cut the most.
But this is from a person who also managed to fake an eating disorder. 


Anyways, people who do/did self-harm: do you go around comparing who harms themselves the most?

*Edited to lessen my sounding like a dick.

good question, but my answer is no, nobody knew about mine although my partner found out (he kind of had to though, as we were sleepimg together so he saw the marks ) i generally did it on the top of my arms although most scars are on my lower arms but i used to wear long sleeved throughout the year so nobody knew, i really pity people who do it to show off as they obviously are ill to want such attention, but then it does people in the dark who dont want attention and just feel its their way out or whatever.

self-harm is a strange and hard subject to talk about, as no-one does it for the same reason.

and i think maybe those who do it for obvious attention still need some kind of help in a way, i really honestly can say that pain felt good for me i just felt like that was something i could control, it was like i had put on a brave face for so long that one day inside i just broke and would be in tears a lot, i couldnt understand who i was and why there were people wanting me to be hurt, so i just hurt myself anyway. and i felt like i could control that kind of hurt, but i was so wrong and learnt over the years, that it was controlling me.

Typhani wrote:

i'm crap at self harming, i can't cut deep enough

I bet if i tried to kill myself i would fail too

dont cut yourself anyways, your worth more than that trust me,

Vicky Smalls wrote:

How can you tell the difference between someone who has a serious condition, and someone who really is just looking for attention?

I had a friend who cut her wrists all the time, but I'm 95% sure that it was for attention.
I am NOT saying that people self-harm for attention, I'm just saying she did.
When she first starting doing it, its was a kind of 'popular' thing, and a lot of her friends were doing it.
I remember when she first showed me, she called me on the phone and said "want to go to the movies? I have something to show you!" Then she was so excited about it.
It was really disturbing because her and friends would compare wrists to see who could cut the most.
But this is from a person who also managed to fake an eating disorder. 


Anyways, people who do/did self-harm: do you go around comparing who harms themselves the most?

*Edited to lessen my sounding like a dick.

I used to think so, too, but now I am wondering if such theory isn't true:

If someone is able to self-harm for attention it means either he/she is sick, because healthy person in normal conditions couldn't harm oneself for such reason, or he/she really lacks attention so badly, because noone cares for him/her. Either way his/her situation is dramatic and this person needs some (probably professional) help.

Ok, maybe some weak scratching or smth similar is just posing. But I don't know where is the border between serious and not serious harming.

What do you think? Maybe it overreacted - as most if not all teenagers suffer from some kind of psychological problems, I mean problems with themselves, own identity and relation with others, etc...