Chuck Norris

Sadashi · 07-17-2008 08:10

Chuck Norris doesn't tell you to "turn that frown upside down"...he rearranges it himself

The Big Bang was the result of the last time someone said "no" to Chuck Norris.

Sannuk · 07-17-2008 09:56

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Anhi · 07-17-2008 22:27

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. (This one has me laughing so hard that my tummy hurts. I'm picturing it happening.)

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Sannuk · 07-19-2008 13:23

Chuck Norris counted to infinity... Twice.

cool

Anhi · 07-20-2008 21:48

Chuck Norris is '' The best a man can get ''

The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat.

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.

Jiji1066 · 07-21-2008 14:17

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris once went on Winning Streak and spun the wheel. It took 12 days to stop

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.

Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you".

Whenever Chuck Norris's wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill and a brick wall in order to impregnate a woman.

If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.

When the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.

Chuck Norris does not have pubic hair, he has a groin beard.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.

The first lunar eclipse took place after Chuck Norris challenged the sun to a staring contest. Chuck Norris always wins.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Chuck Norris took the Blue Pill and still found out the truth.

Chuck Norris

#26 07-17-2008 08:10

Re: Chuck Norris

#27 07-17-2008 09:56

Re: Chuck Norris

#28 07-17-2008 22:27

Re: Chuck Norris

#29 07-19-2008 13:23

Re: Chuck Norris

#30 07-20-2008 21:48

Re: Chuck Norris

#31 07-21-2008 14:17

Re: Chuck Norris

Board footer