Do I believe this...

How did you know he didn't mean it though? What did he do to make you realise that?

I think he does mean it, he just doesn't really know how to show it. But I can never be sure and don't want to believe him, put my trust back there and be let down again.

He did apologise in person first, he spent the night hugging me and saying sorry and explaining whatever and whatever, not trying to justify his actions, just acknowledging he'd done wrong and he shouldn't have and he hates himself for it. I think he sent that to reiterate his point that he's sorry.

I think he got angry because he didn't know how to handle it, which is what he does. He gets angry and is mean, then realises what he's doing and says sorry and does something to 'make it better' it's only when it's sometihng big that he doesn't know how to handle. I think it's coz he get scared and he hides the fact that he's upset behind this anger.

I think he does mean it, until he doesn't realise what he's doing next time, or he knows what he's doing but can't stop it. He doesn't like the fact that he lets me down and he wants to be there for me and he often is, just when it's a bit more important he goes all weird. I think he's scared, but what of I don't know.

Why do I put up with him? I love him, the real him, that makes me laugh, gives me cuddles, comes out at stupid o'clock to see me, the one that is there for me who i enjoy spending time with and making smile. It's that part of him that makes me put up with it. I try to help him not be angry or whatever, but there's only so much you can do.

Yea he's 20, 21 in 2 months. Not that that really makes a fifference, he's not suddenly going to grow up over night is he!

Hopefully he can do what you did and learn from stuff and deal with things properly and rationally, though he's not doing so well with that at the moment.

I think he could change, he changed into this person he is now, so he could change 'back' however, I do think it's unlikely to happen anytime soon and from anything I do, unless I do up and leave properly.

I'm not ok with what he does, I honestly don't believe he sets out to hurt me. I don't think he does it intentionally. I do think he needs help and guidance in going in the right direction on how to handle things. I've spoken to him numerous times about why he does what he does and most of the time he doesn't know, so we get no where.

There are definately things that I can't and won't forgive him for, I might 'forget' but I never let things go, I always tell him when I think he has done wrong, and most of the time he agrees with me and can see that he has, but often only after it's pointed out to him. I think he knows now that I won't put up with being hurt, whether he intends it or not.

I just don't really know how to go forward.

lol selective everything. I don't want to spend two years looking for someone I lost, I'm trying to figure out of I can love this person as they are and adjust so we meet in the middle. But then I don't want to have to change for anyone, and I shouldn't have to, and he doesn't want me to. Then I think why should he have to change for me, why can't I accept him as he is, I know why I cna't, coz he's not who I fell in love with. Simple really. Ok, I'm still confused, maybe I should eat something, not that I can bo bothered to make the effort to, but maybe then my brain will work better.

Kellie Leah wrote:

make sure you take care of yourself Nat, eating properly and getting proper sleepy time rest will help you think more clearly.

everyone's always on their best behavior when they first start dating...then the time monster rears it's ugly head and people start taking each other for granted and start being meaner and meaner to each other. 

I know it's hard, but if he can't or won't treat you the way you want to be treated the choice to stay with him will be difficult for you to maintain over time.  If you can't forgive his mistakes and you keep bringing up past transgressions you're just going to make him and yourself miserable.  trying to change yourself to make someone else happy will always end in failure.  we are who we make and believe ourselves to be.

this boy of yours needs to grow up and become a man.  as an adult we realize that while we can't always control how we feel, we can control how we interact with the other people around us.  being rude or hurtful to you because he is angry and upset is a strong indicator that he has not come to this profound realization.  it's a choice to be mean, it's a choice to say hurtful things to the people around us, it's also a choice to behave like an adult and properly express our feelings with the people that are close to us.

relationships are a lot of hard work.  if you're really undecided and wanting to work things out with this boy, that's your choice and you're right to pursue, but instead of trying so hard to make it work with this guy, figure out what your limits of tolerance are, set some internal timelines for him to improve his behavior.  if the same cycle still persists, make a clean break and move on.  i think deep down you already know what the outcome will be.

I try to eat and to sleep, but I go up and down, sometimes barely eating or sleeping, sometimes it's just normal, never over eating or sleeping though. Was really bad at one point, lost 2 and a half inches off my waist in a week. But I'm doing ok now, have more of an appetite and sleep better.

When we argue, I try not to bring up anything from before, coz I try to think, I've dealt with that, we moved on from it, but sometimes, I do, to make a point, just saying, oh, just like X time then. But I try not to do that. I've also told him exactly what you've said about things being a choice. That everything he's done is his choice. He seems to think that some things arn't and I guess he'll stay with that frame of mind until he has grown up a bit.

Sometimes I feel like it's pointless me saying anything coz he won't take it on board. I'll give it a time frame, and if I still feel the same by the end of it, even if it's still being confused, then there's not much point in me trying to make it work. I say to him that it's pointless me talking to him and stuff like that and he says it's not coz he loves me. Etc etc blah blah blah.

Yea I think I do know what the outcome will be, just don't want to admit it! lol.

Nat07B wrote:

I have come to the conclusion that he does mean what he says, but he doesn't know what to DO about it. That said, I think I have my answer

he sounds like someone that can't carry the weight, but can't put it down either. wait for him to grow a few years first before continuing the relationship.
this kind of messages are written by someone who has serious doubting problems, and maybe not that right in the head. they can't make up their minds and in the end, he'll just end up hurting you but blaming you for hurting him. sorry nat, seen too many guys like this. please... get yourself out of it.

hugz

Nat07B wrote:

There is no way I'm waiting years for him. Once I'm gone, that's it, I don't go back. If it can't work out now, it won't work out then.

He is very indecisive and it's very irritating. Thing is, when we're together, it's completely fine. Great, happy etc etc. He's just not good with big problems. I'm not trying to justify him or his behaviour, or try to excuse it. I can see exactly wha the's doing and why, and he knows that.

I keep trying to break away but it's like we're magnetically drawn to each other, and it's not easy to give up something you don't want to give up. I'm trying though, really I am.

sigh... tell me about it... i had an ex exactly like that before... it's irritation to the max! he never makes up his mind, and he never owns up to his faults, it's always me that find problems in the relationship. blah blah blah... and in the end, he dumped me, adn =.= keep on annoying me now telling me that my bf now doesn't really love me... etc.