jokes of the day!!!

MissSunshine3 wrote:

NEW JOKES!!! ->


The Lost Son

A guy was in a supermarket when he noticed an old lady following him around. Whenever he stopped, she stopped, and she also kept staring at him. She finally overtook him just before the checkout where she turned to him and said:

"I hope I haven't made you feel uncomfortable - it's just that you look so much like my late son."

"Oh, that's ok," he said.

"I know it's silly," she continued, "but if you called out 'Goodbye, Mother' as I leave, it would make me ever so happy." The old lady proceeded through the checkout and as she left the supermarket, the man called out "Goodbye Mother." The old lady waved back, and kindly smiled.

Pleased he had brought a bit of sunshine to someone's day the man went to pay for his groceries.

"That'll be 105 dollars 35," said the clerk.

"How come?" inquired the man. "I've only bought a few things!"

"Yeah, but your mother said you'd pay for her..."

My favorite

Q. What animal would you like to be on a cold day?
A. A little otter!

Q.Why do men ask for a womans hand in marriage?
A.Because they can't be bothered to use their own!
LOOL

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Pedro looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."
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A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

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A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" The doctor interrupts, "Nine..."

lol

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Man: Doctor, how are my test results?
Doctor: Perfect. You'll live to be 80.
Man: But I am 80!
Doctor: In that case its been nice knowing you.

One day a female brain cell is wandering around and finds herself in a mans brain. There is dark, cold and the whole brain is empty. She keeps wandering, but after a while she starts to feel lonely.
- Heeey! Is there anyone here? - she shouts, but no one answers. She keeps and keeps wandering around in the brain.
- Hellloo! Can anyone hear me?! - no answer. After a while she really starts to freak out and she tries to shout more loudly.
- Hellooo!! Is there anybody here?!!! - and now she hear a low, quiet answer:
- Hey! We are all down here...