jokes of the day!!!

HAHA I LYK THE TIGHT SKIRT WAN IT WAS PROPA FUNNI LOL

hows this one
man 1:why are you so depressed?
man 2:my wife said she wont talk to me for a week
man 1:thats a good news,then!
man 2:today is the last day!

not sure bout the last 1

tnx ..you can write some jokes to if u want to

This is so funny!
I don't know a joke right now (If I know 1, I have to make it in Enlish because i'm from Holland)

omg i love thes whit skird and old man...but i have problem...a can'd add any joke in polih(i'm polish-but i'm live in eng.)-couse nooone undrestand ;]...but if u want to...i can do it for u

Quirine wrote:

Why does the freedom sculpture stand in New York?

Answer: Because it cannot sit!

  it's great!

NEW JOKES!!! ->

Good Can of Corn   

     There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained.
"Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question

"Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!"

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"That's okay," says the husband, "We were banned from the supermarket, too."



How Do You Feel?

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 73 years
old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my
age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "Hell, I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really? Like a baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just poop my pants."



The Lost Son

A guy was in a supermarket when he noticed an old lady following him around. Whenever he stopped, she stopped, and she also kept staring at him. She finally overtook him just before the checkout where she turned to him and said:

"I hope I haven't made you feel uncomfortable - it's just that you look so much like my late son."

"Oh, that's ok," he said.

"I know it's silly," she continued, "but if you called out 'Goodbye, Mother' as I leave, it would make me ever so happy." The old lady proceeded through the checkout and as she left the supermarket, the man called out "Goodbye Mother." The old lady waved back, and kindly smiled.

Pleased he had brought a bit of sunshine to someone's day the man went to pay for his groceries.

"That'll be 105 dollars 35," said the clerk.

"How come?" inquired the man. "I've only bought a few things!"

"Yeah, but your mother said you'd pay for her..."

These three people were stranded on an island, an englishman, a scotsman and an irishman, the englishman found a magic lamp, and rubbed it, out came a genie, who granted them all one wish each, so the scotsman wished to be in his local pub, drinking a fine scotch whisky, the english man wished for a nice Sunday dinner with his family. And the Irsh man didn't know what to wish for, then said,"I wish my mates were back," DOH!

One day, there was this man and his son driving in his car, the man got pulled for speeding, "Oh bast*rds"" he said.
"What does that mean, Dad," asked his son.
"Oh just another word for police, son."
When they got home, the son went into the kitchen to see his mum, who cooking a turkey, she burnt it accidentally. "Oh sh*t,"she said.
"What does that mean mean, mum?" asked her son.
"Oh just another word for cooking, son," she answered.
The son, went upstairs to see his Dad, who was shaving.
"Oh boll*cks," Dad said cause he cut hiself.
"What's that mean, Dad?"asked his son
"Just another word for shaving, son" Dad answered


Then the son heard a knock at the door so he answered it, it was the police.
"Hello, bast*rds, my mum's in the kitchen cooking sh*t, and my Dad's upstairs shaving his boll*cks!!" LOL

There were three woman and their children at phychiatrist.The doctor walked up to the first woman and said "M'am, you have an addiction to sweets.That is why you have named your child Candy."
Then the doctoer walked up to the second woman and said "M'am, you have an addiction to alcohol.That's why you named your child brandy." Then the third woman says."Oh, this is a waste of time.Lets leave Dick."and she grabbed her son's hand and left.