boyfriend/girlfriend problems and zoe will help!

So, just for curiosity...
I'm totally into a boy, my mate at the university. In the first half year, we went everywhere together, he waited for me, came with me to a special german politics forum although he doesn't speak german. We went to a celebration at the university (probably a university prom), we were dancing for 3-4 hours together, i felt everything (i hope u know what i mean), kissed me once.
Then, in the second half year, haven't even see him (only once). I wrote him emails, but he answered only once, and since march, no sigh of him.
What should i do?

mmariannka wrote:

So, just for curiosity...
I'm totally into a boy, my mate at the university. In the first half year, we went everywhere together, he waited for me, came with me to a special german politics forum although he doesn't speak german. We went to a celebration at the university (probably a university prom), we were dancing for 3-4 hours together, i felt everything (i hope u know what i mean), kissed me once.
Then, in the second half year, haven't even see him (only once). I wrote him emails, but he answered only once, and since march, no sigh of him.
What should i do?

maybe he has suddenly become really busy with other things dont jump to conclusions and think that he is being distant on purpose.
ask him face 2 face whats been happeneing in his life, for all the time that you havnt seen him,

if he doesnt want a relationship with u then think of it as his loss and (i dont mean 2 b cliche) but there are plenty more fish in the sea.

well, i don't have a bf but my cousin has. But, well...

Okay....let me tell you the whole story. My gang consists of 5 people. Rochelle, Ella, Joasie, my cousin Elsa and me... So, Joasie introuduced Helmi to Elsa and they eventually dated each other. Rochelle,Ella and me thinks Helmi is a jerk. especially me. He doesn't seem like a nice guy. We think he is stuck up and arrogant and we think that his is a player that likes to take advantage of others.And, he's kinda mean to me, Rochelle and Ella. AND, he knows I'm Elsa's older cousin and stuff and we've all hanged out a couple of times before and everytime, he would hardly even say a hi.  (WT?)

And, OMG, his mum, is absoultely the rudest person we've ever met. We can't stand him and we're not really thrilled about the idea of him dating Elsa. (Joasie is really happy about it, though)

So, my question is how do we hint to Elsa that we are not really comfortable with him hanging out with us without you know, hurting her?

*names have been changed.
*well, not really about cheatings but, still have to do with L.O.V.E.... i guess~~~

Last edited by Parissanna (05-31-2008 05:08)

Parissanna:

Be honest. Be kind, but honest. Tell "Elsa" that while you understand that this is her relationship and her choice, you don't think that "Helmi" is the best guy for her. As her friend, it is your duty to respectfully let her know that her guy is bad news, if only because you don't want to see her hurt.

Also, try to make it so that you both realize that while you have no real say in the decision of who she hangs out with, you should not be forced to spend time with someone who you strongly dislike all the time. Do not try to tell her that it is either him or you, because that is not fair; But tell her that if she is your friend, she will respect the fact that you don't want to hang out with him all the time just because she is dating him. She should learn to make separate time for her boyfriend and for her friends.

Maybe a little honesty on your part will help her see things from your point of view.


edit: not that I am supposed to be the resident advice giver lol I recently had a friend involved with a loser as well, so I have a little bit of experience with this

Last edited by Guernica (05-31-2008 06:55)

I want the answers to life like you do, Guernica.
I can always tell myself the right answer, but I can never seem to do it.
Your advice is nice.

Guernica wrote:

Parissanna:

Be honest. Be kind, but honest. Tell "Elsa" that while you understand that this is her relationship and her choice, you don't think that "Helmi" is the best guy for her. As her friend, it is your duty to respectfully let her know that her guy is bad news, if only because you don't want to see her hurt.

Also, try to make it so that you both realize that while you have no real say in the decision of who she hangs out with, you should not be forced to spend time with someone who you strongly dislike all the time. Do not try to tell her that it is either him or you, because that is not fair; But tell her that if she is your friend, she will respect the fact that you don't want to hang out with him all the time just because she is dating him. She should learn to make separate time for her boyfriend and for her friends.

Maybe a little honesty on your part will help her see things from your point of view.


edit: not that I am supposed to be the resident advice giver lol I recently had a friend involved with a loser as well, so I have a little bit of experience with this

I wish it is that simple. The real problem is Elsa is my frigging(it's not a bad word, right?) cousin! What if he and Helmi gets serious? Not that i think they would but....if? anyway, i'm not even talking to Elsa now. Thanks to Joasie. But you are right, It's her life. I mean, I'm just her cousin. 2nd cousin to be accurate. Whatever happens to her, it's not my problem. if she wants to date a jerk? okay. it's her life afterall. I'm done with taking care of her. for goodness sake, i'm only 6 months older than her. She can do whatever she like. She's got her own brain and her own family to worry for her.  Besides, her mother don't even bother, so why should I? Afterall, I'm just a cousin. I don't have any rights in her life. I've learned that.

Guernica, i so agree with you that 'She should learn to make separate time for her boyfriend and for her friends' Doesn't mean that if you have somone new in your life, you can ditch the old ones!
And, just to share, Helmi isn't getting a good review from my family members either. (uncle, aunt and grandma)

Anyway, since we're not talking to each other, there's nothing I should be worrying about. And, Guernica, honesty wouldn't work. You know, Elsa actually knows that me, Rochelle and Ella isn't thrilled about Helmi. Rochelle and me had talked to her about it before. Anyway, now, she can just confide everything to Joasie. and don't even let me get started on Joasie. Some friend.

Everything's so rocky, I don't even want to point out to her that Helmi's the wrong guy. Just just now I found a picture of me and her. It was taken before all these happened.(we were practically leaning aginst each other in the picture)  I didn't feel sad. And I don't think I was angry, either. Instead, I felt like laughing at her. I don't know why, but I somehow feel that she's making a big mistake and she'll regret it. Did I mention? Elsa and I are in the same class. Everytime she and Joasie talks or laugh, I don't know....I just feel sorry for her and of cause, a little heartbroken that she's chosen Helmi and Joasie over us. But, deep down, there's a voice telling me that she is the one who is going to have a heart break. If I am right about Joasie, that is so gonna happen. Just a matter of time.

Thanks, Guernica. Sorry,I know I sounded like a bad person but i am so pissed. Sighs. Anyway, glad to let it out. Thanks, Guernica~~~~

Sounds like your first guy might not be as interested in you as you are in him, unfortunately. Hard to say, but if he's caught on that you like him, he might be trying to spare your feelings. He is communicating that he's not really interested without flat-out rejecting you.. Sorry. I could be totally off the mark though. I am not so good in this area as I haven't had to pursue many boys and we were all ready good friends at the time. However, as far as communicating that you like a guy sometimes you have to show instead of telling:

1. Compliment him. Tell him you like his shirt/new haircut/etc or that you wish you were as good at math/sports/etc as he is. That sort of thing lets him know that you notice him.

2. Playfully tease him. I've found this can be best done if you know something that he's good at and tease him about that. Guys tend to have a thicker skin about these things anyways, but this way it'll just be in fun. Friendly teasing gives you both something to chuckle over, and a good sign is if he teases you back.

3. Take an interest in his interests. You don't have to pretend to like anything you don't, but you can find out what your similar interests are as well as maybe learn about something you didn't know about.


That's all I've got off the top of my head. I hope something here helps lol Good luck with your boys.

zoecanastella wrote:

mmariannka wrote:

So, just for curiosity...
I'm totally into a boy, my mate at the university. In the first half year, we went everywhere together, he waited for me, came with me to a special german politics forum although he doesn't speak german. We went to a celebration at the university (probably a university prom), we were dancing for 3-4 hours together, i felt everything (i hope u know what i mean), kissed me once.
Then, in the second half year, haven't even see him (only once). I wrote him emails, but he answered only once, and since march, no sigh of him.
What should i do?

maybe he has suddenly become really busy with other things dont jump to conclusions and think that he is being distant on purpose.
ask him face 2 face whats been happeneing in his life, for all the time that you havnt seen him,

if he doesnt want a relationship with u then think of it as his loss and (i dont mean 2 b cliche) but there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Hey! Thanks the answer! I hav just one more problem : how should i talk to him if we don't meet....i mean i haven't seen him sincs March!!

It's kind of funny that the people who start "advice" threads always seem to be fresh out of puberty. >.>;;

Mmari:  I was in a similar situation like that.  I hung out with a guy that was as attracted to me as I was to him.  Just out of the blue, he stopped talking to me and never replied to text messages or anything.  There's not much you can do if he doesn't want to interact.  Try seeing him face-to-face, but odds are he's awkward and immature.  The best thing is just to move on if he keeps it up.

zoecanastella wrote:

hey,cryzilla
how u doin?with handeling the situation?

I'm dating a far more dependable guy now, and have been so for the past 3.5 years.  I'm friends again with the other guy, though.  But I definitely would never date him as he's proven himself to be unreliable.

I Have A Problem..
My Best Friend Was Recently Asked Out By This Guy, But Hes a Real Jerk And None Of My Friends Like Him.
Hes Cheated On Most Of The Girlfriends Hes Had And He Treats Girls Really Badly.
He Only Wants Girls For One Thing, And She Knows That But Is Choosing To Go Out With Him Anyway.
Me And The Rest Of Our Friends Are Really Worried About Her. We Know That It is Her Choice And Everything, But I Dont Want To See Her Get Hurt.
Please Help
Thanks
x

hey Zoecanastella i know this nothing to do with the thread but i cant message you anymore.
i saying i cant message anyone under 13 ?????