HOW TO RESPOND TO TELEMARKETERS WHEN THEY CALL...

Kieshi · 05-18-2008 16:14

I don't know if this was already posted but here it is....

how to respond to telemarketers when they call:

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you
asked,
because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems.
My
arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their
name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it
is
located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there,
how
they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they
have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about
their
company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy
and
I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky
voice
ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have
you
been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as
she
tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and
keep a
rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if
you
can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends
Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any
friends,
would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you
get
out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to
marry
you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give
your
credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they
can't
sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set
the
receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if
he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her
back.
When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their
home
numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home,
right?"
The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put
them
on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack
your
food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if
they
could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should
probably
tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come
on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up .
. .
louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word
down.

NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved for use on
telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing

Kmelia · 05-18-2008 16:44

Hahahahahahahahaha........
I love your suggestions!!! I really hate it when telemarketers call..... I always tell them "No, goodbye" and put down the phone, but now, I'll have some fun before closing the phone!!!

Starba · 05-19-2008 15:45

haha... i use a great one these days....

telemarketer "hello, im calling from bla bla, ur home insurance is due for renewal"
me "how do u know i need insurance"
them "its on out records"
me "but ur not my insureres...this is a cold call isnt it? ooooh ur in trouble, whats ur name? im going to report you, you could loose your job, ur house, ur kids mwahahahahahaha"

I Am Flirt · 05-19-2008 17:10

there are a tons of them, and they are al fun XD

CarminaW · 06-02-2008 12:56

thats is really funny defo gone use them!!!!
xoxo

Paraphanelia · 06-02-2008 13:40

haha is number 12 from seinfeld by any chance?

ProssieBabe · 06-02-2008 15:54

my uncle jack once said this to a telemarketer when he picked up.....

(the telemarketer had said 'hello is jack there?')

so he said...
oh dear havent you heard? he had a stroke last night hes in hospital now... its pretty serious... im not even sure if hes alive or not...

u know what the telemarketer said then? 'well is tomorrow a better time to ring...?'

big_smile

Clare12369 · 06-02-2008 16:07

hahahaha

i remember one i heard a while back ( if i find the link i will post it)

this guy recorded a message and when he heard it was a telemarketer he pressed play.
He pretended he was a cop and was investigating a murder at his address. He asked the telemarketer questions like - did you know Mr ** well? Where were u between the hours of 9 + 10 last night?
stuff like that. It was sooo funny. smile smile

xxx

Clare12369 · 06-02-2008 16:10

found the link!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un_PjRXV5l8

Dressupaurora · 06-02-2008 18:18

hehe thats awesome

GinevraMalfoy · 06-03-2008 01:50

my cousin is amazing at getting rid of telemarketers, he makes them hang up every time. he can keep a straight face through pretty much everything.

If it's somebody selling kitchens for example, my cousin will be like "KITCHENS!!! Do you like kitchens? who doesn't? and have i got a deal for you! we have the best price on counters, cookers, sinks etc! anything you need we have it!" Then the man will be like... "do you sell kitchens, too?" and my cousin will start off again "KITCHENS!!! Do you like kitchen? who doesn't..."
lol its the funniest thing because the telemarketers are like arghh! shut up! lol

Another one is when they call and my cousin answers the phone and they're like

(telemarketer) "Can i interest you in xxx, sir?"
(cousin) "Are you trying to sell me something?"
"no"
"so why are you calling me?"
"i was hoping to interest you in xxx product..."
"so you are trying to sell me something, then."
"no sir, I'm with an advertising company and we want to introduce you to xxx product..."
"you're hoping to introduce me to a product in the hope that i will purchase it, right?"
"yes sir."
"so you ARE trying to sell me something"
"ummm..."

They will be caught out every time lol

Minibrutus · 06-03-2008 01:59

Lol, I love the last one.... talk slowly so you can write everything down!

"Me: Okay how.... are.... you....today.... wait wait wait, spell today for me? Okay, go on... wait wait, my pencil broke, I'll have to put you on hold while I find another."

Kieshi · 06-03-2008 03:38

clare12369 wrote:
found the link!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un_PjRXV5l8

OMG that is the funniest thing! Omg my head now hurts coz i laughed sooooo hard!

Kieshi · 06-03-2008 03:41

paraphanelia wrote:
haha is number 12 from seinfeld by any chance?

no i dont know if number 12 is from Seinfield...i got them in an email a while back and it made me laugh so i thought i would pass it on to you, my fellow bimbos! sourire

Gizmo3276 · 06-03-2008 04:48

Those are all so funny. I just give one of my 16 month old twins the phone and let them talk to her. All she does is hold the phone and say hello over and over and over again until they hang up. It cracks me up everyday.

Clare12369 · 06-03-2008 07:19

Another ne which is funny, is when they call, say in your most polite voice. Please hold while i connect your call! Then switch on some really cheesy music and watch how long it takes them to hang up!

smile smile

MizuChan · 06-03-2008 18:31

I wait until they say something so that I know it's a telemarketer. Then I answer the phone

'Hello Bat Cave, Sorry Batman is not in right now, please leave a message with Alfred.'

then hang up.

XBabycakes · 06-03-2008 19:05

haha! these are so good! whenever anyone like that calls, i just answer it and don't hang up so i leave the phone call running, that way they are wasting their money smile serves them right for calling me in the first place.

Hottayy · 06-04-2008 11:16

This is hilarioussss...
im just waiting for telemarketers to call:)

Bruceybabe4921 · 06-08-2008 20:14

haha there hilarious, i cant wait for a sales call now !!!

ButteredCracker · 06-09-2008 15:12

12 is from seinfeld, i believe jerry did it

also if im in a good mood i just tell them that the person is dead. if im in a bad mood it makes me feel better to just yell. every once in a while i just ask rediculously simple questions like this as an example
would you like to sign up for a free timeshare seminar this weekend at xxx?
how much is this timeshare?
free
oh, so when is it?
this weekend
and where is it?
xxx
and what is the price of this seminar
free
and what is the time of this seminar
this weekend
and how much does it cost?

you can go in a loop forever or just wait for them to give more info and ask more questions. i stole the idea from the simpsons and it really works well

Last edited by buttcrack (06-09-2008 15:20)

Anjali22 · 06-09-2008 20:15

*lol* Oh my god, finally some witty suggestions! I keep getting calls from them all the time, and I never know what to say! Thank you! big_smile

Nat07B · 06-10-2008 13:34

Haha that is so funny, I've been getting a load of calls recently and it's really annoying me, me telling them I'm going to sue for harrassment doesn't seem to work....