Advice: meeting girls

mmariannka wrote:

Go to some festivals-especially to rock festivals! U can find there a lot of attractive, nice and happy girls!!!!
If u want to get some really hot girls, then come to Hungary:)

Hey, that sounds like a great place to take my next vacation

While I certainly respect this viewpoint, I think it's worth pointing out that statistics within our company (and other companies as well, I would wager) support the idea that some fields are low on women because of the choices women tend to make.  True, our technical field is primarily men (although we have women, most of whom are married).  But if you look in HR or project management, two fields that deal heavily with interpersonal interaction, the number of women increases dramatically (and lest you suggest these jobs are less desirable, they make more than I do).  Sexism or hiring prejudice isn't to blame, it's the fact that for whatever reason, girls don't tend to gravitate towards the fields that focus on solitary work.

An example of this is the Miss Bimbo website.  Clearly there are more girls than guys here.  Imagine if someone attributed this to gender prejudice, and capped the number of girls who could join to preserve gender balance.  Not only would that be unfair, it would be completely missing the point.

Overall, I think you have an unnecessarily bleak picture of society.  Things really are better than they used to be, and that's not just a veneer.  We do have laws that prevent overt discrimination, and they're a good thing.  You say that individual women can make it; in the end, isn't it the individual that counts?  Whatever feelings you may attribute to "society", I've known plenty of dedicated women who have made it all the way without the need for a leg up from the government.  Making it on your own efforts is at the heart of social conservatism, rather than letting the government tip the scales this way and that way trying to find a balance for us.

Are you not reading what you are typing? Why are you missing how you perpetuate the system with your benign hand waving of the evidence in front of you? A woman is not held back first by upper management hiring practices. It starts well before that, when she is a girl.

It starts when an adult asks her, “What do you want to be when you grow up?"  and then scoffs when she says “I want to be a fireman!"  and goes, “But only boys can be that."  It starts when she is chided, “Stop that, that’s not ladylike."  when she runs and yells during play and in public. It starts when well meaning adults coo, “Isn’t she pretty?��  instead of “Isn’t she smart?��  “Isn’t she strong?��  “Isn’t she brave?��  It is the accumulation of Barbies, Bratz Dolls, My Little Ponies or any number of other dolls on Christmases and birthdays instead of Legos, Matchbox cars, or Science Kits. Or if it wasn’t dolls it was dress up jewelry, plastic princess crowns or pink tea sets or toy vacuum cleaners.  It starts when she finds that in popular mass media culture, be it fairytales to movies to video games, that princesses are to be rescued, in horror movies the thing to do is scream ineffectually, marriage is a happy ending and tough, smart, capable women and girls are not protagonists, but support for the hero, be it Hermione from Harry Potter, Trinity from Matrix, Arwen from Lord of the Rings, Yuna from Final Fantasy X, or the 90 sisters in Horton Hears a Who.

Membership on a purely recreational site like this cannot possibly be compared to a rigorous job field. That comparison is a fallacy. But let’s go with that, if you wish. What is stopping more men from joining this site? Peer pressure? Questions of his masculinity? Well, then what does that say, but to be female and to take interest in female centric activities is a negative?  A man awkward in performing girly pursuits does not become an indictment for his whole gender. But a woman who does not do well, she symbolizes all other women.

You hit like a girl. You chick like a girl. You cry like a girl. You drive like a girl. You can’t make up your mind like a girl. You take too long to get ready, like a girl. Girls can’t do math. Girls can’t fight in the military. Girls can’t, can’t, can’t (or won’t, for whatever reason) What are you, a pussy/sissy/girl?   

Men can eke out fame and fortune in areas that cater to women. The “Bimbo lifestyle��  is already being influenced by men right now. Three out of four past winners of America’s Project Runway fashion designers were men. Valentino, Gianno Versace, Galliano, Dolce and Gabbana, Karl Lagerfeld, Bagley and Mischka, Zac Posen, Givenchy, Helmut Lang, Pucci, Calvin Klein, Michael Kors, Tommy Hilfinger; all fashion designers past and present. Hair stylists? Hollywood lauds the work of George Caroll, Lance Christopher, and Ken Paves. Fashion photographers? Irving Penn, Martin Munkacsi, Richard Avedon, Mario Testino were greats, vs. one Louise Dahl-Wolfe. Make up? Kevin Aucoin was the toast of Hollywood for his make up artistry.  Magazines Vogue, W, Glamour, Allure, Self, Teen Vogue, Lucky, Brides, Modern Bride, Elegant Bride, are owned by Conde Nast.

On the other hand, currently there are only 10 of the Fortune 500 companies with women CEOs and 20 out of the total with women in top positions. Currently, 13 women (10 Democrats and 3 Republicans) serve in the U.S. Senate, while 61 women (43 Democrats and 18 Republicans) hold seats in the House of Representatives. We are over 50 percent of the total population and we are not even making 30% in influential positions! Are you going to say that’s because women aren’t tough, ambitious, or capable enough? Blame us for lacking something between our legs, like the balls for it? 

It is a stew, this society, with expectations and limitations on women, starting from when we were girls, when we were infants. And in this stew, few people can analyze the day to day consequences over time. Men may enter the women’s world freely and succeed fabulously. But women must struggle to make it in a man’s world. And then you sniff and say, well, individual women do it, so there must be nothing wrong. If only the others would work hard enough. Like it just never occurs to us that we can make it if we tried. Making it on your own efforts is at the heart of social conservatism, rather than letting the government tip the scales this way and that way trying to find a balance for us. Oh, what a laugh. Just look at the current race for the US President. Who has not heard this trope; it is not Hillary who is going to be the one in charge, but Bill again, as if she was nothing in her own ambitions, in her own political maneuvering! Say what you will of her policies, but her very drive and purpose is questioned! And furthermore, she must be voted in. What does that say, but that the people think a woman incapable of their confidence?

I’d like it very much if you’d just admit that from infanthood, women must deal with having the whole deck stacked against us from the beginning by society’s expectations and limitations and that the few who make it do not prove that the rest of us are lazy, stupid, or somehow not making choices. Our reward is to be called ball-busting chicks or workaholics who don’t think of the children. That is social conservatism for you. It’s all very nice to say that an individual can make it, so long as you ignore peer pressure and social rules that whisper, whisper, “You can’t, you shouldn’t, you are not good enough. See how there are no others before you, who do you think you are?��  When have you ever had that insidious social programming influencing you?

There is no legislation that can possibly address that most pernicious of whispers in a woman’s mind. What can definitely help are the ceasing of men sneering that we are making excuses not to succeed. I don’t much like be tagged a loser in my own field, thank you.

hiy how are ya im 14 how old are ya do ya know any fit lads at all

Being a gamer girl in the IT field I know there aren’t that many of us.
I’m assuming that’s kind of what you’re looking for.  The other awesome nerdy girls and I hang out at 24 hour coffee shops, LAN parties, science center first Friday’s and goth/industrial clubs.
However if you’re willing to bend on the girl with similar interests I’d recommend just expanding your social circle.  It’s tuff meeting new people sometimes

Some good suggestions here.

I also agree with the person who said girls love geeks (as long as they care to look good, I can't stress how important that is for anyone looking for a partner! I know it's a stereotype, and I'm not saying it's your case, but many computer geeks really don't give a dang about their clothes, cologne and such, they lose major points at the start!)


Anyway, some of my suggestions:

gigs (as already mentioned) - I think it's a really comfortable setting to strike up a conversation, and most girls wouldn't mind a bit of company if they came to the gig alone, you seem like a nice guy, so no problem there

arthouse cinema - if there's one in your area, go check it out; lots of people go to see the movies alone, including girls

dancing class - there's always more girls than guys in those (you can ask the organizers beforehand), and I think it's a safe bet to assume that at least some of those girls who have joined without partners (probably with a female friend for company) are hoping to meet some guys aside from learning how to dance; it's a fun way to socialize and you don't have to worry about your skills because everyone there will be amateurs


One more tip, many single girls spend their time with their female friends (I admit, it makes them seem less available) but don't be afraid to approach them. Take a friend with you if you want to feel more secure.

Good luck! It's a good thing that you're actively trying to meet someone, it's just a matter of time.

hiya whats ya name mines laura

oscar im a gal do ya wanna talk we can get to know each other if yad like im single and recently split up with an unfaithful partner/ boyfriend for 2 years and lookin for a man like ya self...

I can appreciate certain posters had problems with her parents, friends and school teachers, but what does that have to do with BimboLover08's question?  Does a treatise attempting to justify misandry really help anything?

It is a big world and you can be thankful you aren't male and weren't taken into the woods and shot like so many men in the former Yugoslavia.  Or Iraq.  Or Afghanistan.  Or Burma.  Or a whole raft of African countries.

In my country of Canada, *these days* a girl has far more encouragement, far more opportunities and far more choices than boys.  The main role models our society offers boys get is Bart and Homer Simpson, and various politicians.

I work as a programmer too, and if you are female and a programmer you get more student aid, start at a higher salary, get a better choice of projects, more opportunities for promotion, mentors, and so on.

It isn't that men can't communicate that prevents them getting into project management.  That theory is just sexism.

But none of this addresses the topic of how to meet girls.

Last edited by LOquence (05-24-2008 16:15)

I'm a girl either! Am 19 years old. And single!!! Is if wanna talk, send me a private mail:P

RELAX, they are just kids having fun.

BimboLover08-
advice from a guy.
my best advice...you will find a girl when you are not looking for one. in other words go out with your group of friends but don't get all GQ'ed up go in your work clothes it doesn't matter and just hang out and have fun. If a girl is interested she will notice you.
trust me, girls know when you are out looking for a piece. (pardon the expression)
--
don't just go to some random place and hang out. ie standing in the mall. that will freak a girl out.
--
try something new that may interest you. don't go just to meet girls. like take a cooking class for example. If you meet someone in class you can ask them to try out some of the new receipes that you just learned. or if there is someone at work that interests you offer to cook them dinner to see what they think of your cooking.
--
best of luck and if you want to talk on a more private level then send me a message. I would be glad to give you some more advice.

Girls have always been looking for guys. I don't go around chatting guys up, but when I walk into a coffeehouse or a concert I take note of the guys who I hope will notice me. If you are looking for it, you'll hopefully be able to spot a girl like this. Some of us are too shy to make the first move, but that doesn't mean that we're not interested.

Vampie wrote:

Well, without your photo we cannot judge what your problem really is

He could have an spoon for a head!