Advice: meeting girls

I'd say just smile more.

I don't mean walk about with an inane grin fixed on your face,
but guys try so hard to look cool
that they often appear disinterested or cocky.
I've found out a few times, way after i've given up on the idea of them,
that they then later tell me they liked me too.

i realise i'm a simple girl, but simple smiles with frequent eye contact
will at least let the girl no you're interested in a harmless way
and if she's smiling back you won't feel a total berk going up to her.

But yes, you do still have to find the girls.
although I don't know where i'd particularly expect to be 'found' lol

BimboLover08 wrote:

Hi everyone, I'm a young professional and a computer programmer, ....

First thing that you mentioned here is your professional status, and I suppose a good income comes with that. If you show off that you have a good income you'll have no problem finding a woman. However, if you want a GOOD woman , and you want to be appreciated for things other than your wallet (eg: your wit/humour, good looks, kindness, inteligence, sense of adventure, etc) then you might not want to make too much of a show of your professional status.

I hope there are plenty of exciting things about you that outweigh your income and professional status.

Hope you find who/what you want soon, mate. 

So you won't try if you think there's a lot of competition? Shame, that. I've got some lady friends who have been single for a very long time because every guy they meet is always like "she's probably got so many guys interested in her already that I don't have a chance."

ReginaForbes wrote:

Go to a strip club, you'll see plenty of chicks there...

LOL  That's funny!javascript:setSmile('');

Have you tried going out with any friends that are girls?
Im more likley to approach someone who is already hanging out with girls
xxx

Anime conventions? ;o
There are lots of cute girls there usually and in cosplay too

Gigs?
Thats if your into the music scene.

Clubs?
I dont know how old you are though

Gym?
You can always pick up insecure girls there

While i dont like the idea that all us girls can be pigeonholed, the fact remains that girls with certain interests are likely to be found in certain places where they can express and enjoy those interests. So it depends what you are looking for really.

If you want a good time gal, then hit the hottest clubs, if you want the quiet intellectual then its the library, cultured then museums and galleries, laid back then parks, coffee shops etc

One post said about going out with just one girl and others would chat to you. I dont really agree with that as i would assume that she was your girlfriend.
So try going out in a mixed group, even 3 is enough and then it wouldn't seem obvious everyone was paired off.

There are girls out there who do want to be approached and you shouldn't shirk competition or even really see it as that. Just because you think a girl is stunning, funny and bright doesn't mean she wants to go out with the chav version of Arnie. You don't know what she likes or is looking for until you speak with her so give it a go.
The worst she can say is that she's not interested.
But personally i'd rather hear that, than wonder what could have been, or simply think i never stood a chance.
You could be pleasantly surprised or not. So try again.
Even if you get knocked back a few times, it may still build up confidence about at least striking up those first conversations.

Anyway, i've drivelled on for long enough, sorry 

dawnm wrote:

ReginaForbes wrote:

Go to a strip club, you'll see plenty of chicks there...
Seriously though, it depends on your type of girl. You meet sluts in bars, you meet the good girls in church.

oh oh oh ....i beg to differ!!

why would a bar be a lady of the night hangout?  I hang out in bars all the time, and I am a LONG cry from a lady of the night.

Churches are for good girls?  Haven't you ever seen Footloose?  Sheesh...

and don;t even get me STARTED on the Catholic church fiascos.

thank you! i go to bars once in awhile and i am definitely far from being a lady of the night....i personally always had trouble meeting guys that way at bars, parties, clubs....meeting someone through a friend usually worked for me....but try the mall u can find all of us there lol i think when its your time to meet someone it will just happen

Orora: Thanks for the advice, I agree, it's a solid foundation.

Maebelyne: I consider myself a fairly solid conversationalist, and I actually do enjoy talking politics when I've had a few to drink.  The problem is, I'm a Republican.

brunettebombshell: I don't stereotype girls at bars, but at least if a girl is having fun in a bar or club it means she can loosen up, which is important.

HoreForSale:  Tried it many times, and it just doesn't work for me.

Loderi wrote:

See, that could be a problem, you being Republican.

There are a lot of legitimate reasons for women to have problems with that party; what with the striking down of equal pay legislation, pro-war that kills husbands and sons, consistent attempts to get rid of Roe vs. Wade, against gun control, against expanding SCHIP, against teaching comprehensive sex ed in school so that teenagers don't become pregnant, and then being wishy washy about the den of child predators that is the FDLS.

It's really the platform for pasty old white men who are scared of brown people and ladies who step out of the kitchen.

As a minority, college-educated woman, I don't have much truck with modern Republicans. Old school fiscal conservatives I could've respected as necessary for government. Nowadays?  The party holds me back and holds me down. Not a turn on at all.

A lot of the things you discuss, like Roe v. Wade, are issues that have been hijacked by the Democratic party to paint Republicans as a threat.  Neither I nor any of my conservative friends have any desire to see Roe v. Wade overturned.  The media loves to tell us that Americans are up in arms about so many things that the average citizen really isn't.

Other things, like equal pay legislation, are an excellent example of what the Democratic party does wrong: introducing laborious government legislation to address a problem that cannot be measured, confirmed, or denied.  Even the American Association of University Women, a group dedicated to chronicling the injustices faced by women in the American school system, have just released a report (http://www.aauw.org/research/WhereGirlsAre.cfm) showing that girls are faring better than boys in our school system.  Introducing legislation to "correct" the problem of gender inequity in hiring practices is sheer folly when the system is taking care of itself very well indeed.

Don't let the Democrats convince you that Republicans build their base on intolerance.  Conservatism is about minimizing government interference in our lives and respecting the workings of the free market.  Both of the current Democratic candidates are making promises to increase government spending, introduce new intrusive legislature, and forcibly redistribute wealth according to what's "fair".  We don't need a president who tells us what temperature we'll be allowed to keep our apartments in the winter (as Barack Obama just did: 72 degrees is too high).  We need to have faith in our citizens to do what's best for each other, not have faith in a big government to protect us from ourselves.

But yes.  Dating, that's good too.

Loderi wrote:

See, that could be a problem, you being Republican.

There are a lot of legitimate reasons for women to have problems with that party; what with the striking down of equal pay legislation, pro-war that kills husbands and sons, consistent attempts to get rid of Roe vs. Wade, against gun control, against expanding SCHIP, against teaching comprehensive sex ed in school so that teenagers don't become pregnant, and then being wishy washy about the den of child predators that is the FDLS.

It's really the platform for pasty old white men who are scared of brown people and ladies who step out of the kitchen.

As a minority, college-educated woman, I don't have much truck with modern Republicans. Old school fiscal conservatives I could've respected as necessary for government. Nowadays?  The party holds me back and holds me down. Not a turn on at all.

FDLS? Do you mean the FLDS? Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saints (who are not real Mormons, by the way - that would be like saying the Westboro Baptist Church represents Christianity or that Al Qaeda represents Islam) is FLDS. I have no idea what FDLS would be.

Loderi wrote:

Yes, that was a typo.

I know of the study released. That is concrete good news. But socially (and dating is social isn't it?) the reaction is to moan about the boy crisis and how a previously hegemonic block of the population is suddenly no longer the ones with the straight ticket to success. The scapegoat has always been immigrants, illegal or not, and women who have somehow stepped out of their station.

Isn't it clear enough with your own empirical experience? How many of your own coworkers are women? How is it that you are having so much difficulty in finding a social, intellectual, economic match to yourself, unless there was a clear dearth of women in your company? Why is it that you do not even have access to women through an extended network? This is no conspiracy theory I'm spouting, this is no rant. This is observation and people do not want to see. I do not speak of quotas, which by being quotas, do not address the real issue; women are not readily welcome or accepted socially, not to mention professionally, in what is perhaps catagorizable as a science. Individual women can make it, but they must fight society saying that they ought to be concerned with more ladylike pursuits, that they cannot handle it with their delicate little minds. 

It's plain old fashioned prejudice, that's what. Conservative social prejudice.

Legislation can be a tool; look at Brown vs Board of Education. People are still racist. But to institutionalize it to such a degree as before the ruling is now punishable by law. Legislation that extends opportunities to a minority group actually does not take away from the dominant group. It's not a pie with more pieces getting cut, the whole pie gets bigger.

I should think you'd want to have the pie big enough to include more women in your company. Just what is HR doing for you in that respect?

I know full well it is impossible by law to encourage more women to pursue careers in technical fields such as your own. But a law that prevents discrimmination and sexual harassment in the workplace in overt fashion would create just enough security for the ones who venture into the field to feel secure in their accomplishments and that their work is of value to the company. That's what legislation is good for.   

So, perhaps you are a fiscal conservative. Then make it clear. Because social conservatism does no one in the dating scene any favors.

w00t. Yay, Loderi.

Loderi wrote:

Yes, that was a typo.
Isn't it clear enough with your own empirical experience? How many of your own coworkers are women? How is it that you are having so much difficulty in finding a social, intellectual, economic match to yourself, unless there was a clear dearth of women in your company? Why is it that you do not even have access to women through an extended network? This is no conspiracy theory I'm spouting, this is no rant. This is observation and people do not want to see. I do not speak of quotas, which by being quotas, do not address the real issue; women are not readily welcome or accepted socially, not to mention professionally, in what is perhaps catagorizable as a science. Individual women can make it, but they must fight society saying that they ought to be concerned with more ladylike pursuits, that they cannot handle it with their delicate little minds.

While I certainly respect this viewpoint, I think it's worth pointing out that statistics within our company (and other companies as well, I would wager) support the idea that some fields are low on women because of the choices women tend to make.  True, our technical field is primarily men (although we have women, most of whom are married).  But if you look in HR or project management, two fields that deal heavily with interpersonal interaction, the number of women increases dramatically (and lest you suggest these jobs are less desirable, they make more than I do).  Sexism or hiring prejudice isn't to blame, it's the fact that for whatever reason, girls don't tend to gravitate towards the fields that focus on solitary work.

An example of this is the Miss Bimbo website.  Clearly there are more girls than guys here.  Imagine if someone attributed this to gender prejudice, and capped the number of girls who could join to preserve gender balance.  Not only would that be unfair, it would be completely missing the point.

Overall, I think you have an unnecessarily bleak picture of society.  Things really are better than they used to be, and that's not just a veneer.  We do have laws that prevent overt discrimination, and they're a good thing.  You say that individual women can make it; in the end, isn't it the individual that counts?  Whatever feelings you may attribute to "society", I've known plenty of dedicated women who have made it all the way without the need for a leg up from the government.  Making it on your own efforts is at the heart of social conservatism, rather than letting the government tip the scales this way and that way trying to find a balance for us.