Dating a single mother

I don't think many gay men want to date any mother, let alone a single one...

PotatoCookie wrote:

I'm not a male nor am I dating a single mother, but I'm going to comment anyway. My Dad (my step-dad for clarification) started dating my mother when I was three, and they got married when I was four, almost five. He's always treated me as if I was his own child. My brothers were born when I was six, and he's never shown an ounce of favoritism to them over me. I know that not every situation is ideal as mine though. I suppose it all depends on your character of person, where you are in your life, and possibly most importantly, how old the children are. I have a feeling that if I had been a pre-teen or older at the time he and my mother started dating, things would not have turned out the same.

First let me say how glad I am that your situation was so ideal.  I know that it can work out, but I was curious about the mindset for the guys in making it work: were they ever worried?

And ASBObrainboxbint, not all male bimbos are gay

most

I've been seeing my guy for almost 2 years. He has been in my kids life since just after she was born (she is only 2.5yrs now) he calls her daddy, of course after we discussed it when she started talking. He also has a son of his own.
I'll say some guys do find it hard but trust me not all of them do. The thing with us is my kids real dad is not even closely in the picture at all so this is her dad to her and he's happy with that. He treats her like his own kid which is just caring and loving and supportive. I do the same with his son, although his mom is around too so I'm not replacing his mom but my bf does replace my kids dad.

When I was single just after lots of guys didn't care that I had a kid at all. They liked me for me and that was it, I had no trouble finding a date, if I wanted one, which I didn't at the time though.

Typhani wrote:

Age is certainly a factor. I mean guys who are looking to date girls in their 20s don't usually expect they will end up dating a single mother. But for older people it is very often the case. My mum was 51 when she started going on dates (I'm the youngest and I was 7.) So none of the men she saw had a problem with her having children. I think every single one of them had grown-up children of their own so my siblings and I weren't really important to them, nor was there going to be any step-sibling rivalry.

I don't think that age is a factor, the more important thing is a maturity and attitude to life,

SpoiledDivaPrincess wrote:

Among our slightly older male bimbos here, I was curious what the general sentiment behind dating a single mother was.  Would it be strange to take care of children that weren't your own?  And if you had children, would you be afraid of favoritism towards your biological child versus the others?

I'm not a dude but I will comment as I dated/married a man who had kids. Granted, it's very different for two reasons:

1.) Women tend to be more nurturing and would probably take to a man with kids moreso than a man would with a woman who has kids.

2.) Single mothers will most likely have the kids full time. Fathers usually have the kids every other weekend.

With that said -- if a man is going to be with a woman who has children, be prepared to share her in a sense. Her kids will probably come first in the relationship, so don't expect her to drop everything just because you come into her life. Don't expect a lot of romantic nights or spur of the moment weekend trips. Although these things don't have to be completely absent from the relationship, just know that planning them may be harder than if she didn't have kids at all.

As for it being strange taking care of kids that are not your own, that depends on what kind of person you are. I personally find it strange to take care of children that aren't my own for several reasons. The main being the fact that they just aren't mine. I know for a fact I will love my own children in a different way, and there may be favoritism when I eventually do have my own kids. The second factor is because they aren't mine, I don't have as much as much say as the biological parents. Because their mother is psychologically unstable, if I make one mistake or discipline the children in a way she doesn't approve of, all hell breaks loose. Discipline should be agreed upon by you and the single mother.

If the relationship lasts, also be prepared to be linked with the father for the next so-and-so years until the kids turn 18 (if the father is still in the picture). Also expect to be linked with this person beyond the time the kids turn 18 -- there will be weddings, births, grandchildren, etc. I've accepted the fact that my husband's ex-wife will always be in my life -- whether directly or non-directly.

It can work if you want it to. It just depends on how much you want the woman (and her children) to be in your life.

Last edited by brandedastar (05-10-2010 22:48)