Corazie wrote:

Nuggetfries, yours is quite dark and edgy. The spacing threw me a bit though, I'm used to double spacing online But it was a good piece, mysterious.

Thanks Corazie!
Yeah, the spacing only turned out gay coz I couldnt be bothered fixing it from where I copy pasted it -.- lol
I'll read yours when I get the chance to.. my friend has just sent me an EPIC LONG story to read.. so after that, I shall read + review yours too

A short story I did based loosely off a REALLY weird dream I had. Its not done but I wanna make sure its worth continuing. Here I go, bear with me!
( PLEASE suggest any sentence changes and anything thats vague and needs more detail!)

CAPTURED
Nitasha Siddiqui

What happened to me? Now I remember, I died, no, I was killed. So suddenly, death came to snatch me away. Stories were spreading of recent murders. A family slaughtered in their home, a baby stabbed and left in her room to die. I was another one. While my family grieved, the public was in uproar. For some reason they suspected my family. Even though their own daughter was a victim. Why? It's a mystery. They suffered from the loss of a daughter and hatred by the public. And I was forced to watch the suffering. A floating spirit, barely human, I couldn't feel the pain of my death anymore. I could only feel the pain of my family's hardships. I looked on as they searched for my killer, hoping to redeem themselves and honor my death. But I knew. I knew that it was no mortal that killed me. It was The Devils Council. The controllers of the Demon World. They had been watching me from afar. Soon, they sought out to bring me back with them. They had a plan. To use demons to control a body long enough to kill me and for them to have me in their possession. They tested it on that family, even killed the baby for the fun of it. Such cruelty. And now they had me. I was dead, my human body cold and buried, my soul condemned to misery. What could I do?
    The Devils Council took away my speech. My strength. Tied a chain of iron around my neck, linked a steel chain through my chest. They didn't want me to speak to my family. Didn't want me to go back to them, even as a soul. Nor did they want the truth told. The truth of their plan. There were still magic in this world, enough to destroy the Demon World if needed. I was captured. The Devils Council had me. Now all they needed was for me to give up. Give up on wanting my family. To allow them to take me away. So they forced me to watch. It made me feel the pain, made me want the Demon World. Oh, how inviting it is.
   
    It's been days since my funeral. I am floating over my family. Gazing at their sorrowful faces. Their tear-streaked cheeks. Oh Mom. Dad. I want to go back. Please take me. I hold out my hand in vain. They walk past me, thinking about their lost daughter when she was right there. Crying out for them.
   
    I followed my family to a fortune teller, a woman of great spiritual power. She spoke with them briefly, hearing their pleas. She said she couldn't bring me back, that I was captured by the darkness. My mother wept. I wanted to hold her. My family started walking away. I floated towards the fortune teller. "Please tell me. What has become of me?" I asked. The fortune teller suddnely looked up. She turned her head this way and that, searching for the source of something. The fortune teller heard me! "Please! I am here! Please answer me!" I pleaded. The fortune teller looked at me and gasped. She clutched her chest. "Oh my dear! What has happened to you!? Oh no! The devil! He has his mark on you!" she cried in horror. I shook my head mournfully. I knew this already. "Please miss! Tell me what will happen to me?" I asked sorrowfully. The fortune teller had tears in her eyes as she spoke. "My dear, you are lost. Stolen by the devil. You will lead a life of sorrow, of pain and suffering with no relief. There is no help that I can give you. Nothing." I stared at the woman. I felt emotions and thought fail me. My world crashed down on me. I am lost. Stolen by the devil. My fate is set. All emotion, all feeling drained out of me. My mind went blank, my eyes glazed over. The chain around my neck pulled me, the chain in my chest yanked me towards the dark. I heard their laughter. And I didn't stuggle. As I closed my eyes, I saw my family, walking home. It was the last thing I ever saw. Before I disappeared.   
                                                      ****


"Leader! Leader! Look what we found!" voices called from the distance. I open my eyes and turn to see my dear friends running towards me, holding large blue diamonds, called Devil's Tears. Very valuable. And only found around the houses of nobles. I smile at them. They are all so small, like toddlers. Only they are demons. Rebels. With their pointed red ears and fangs, they would have grown up to help serve the Council. But not them. They are my loyal friends and family.
   
     You see, I'm not a demon. I used to be a human girl. With a family probably. But the Devils Council killed me and brought me here. They even altered my body. Made it doll-like. My eyes are the only things the same. Don't know why though. I vaguely remember my real life as a human. Only blurred faces and soft voices. I do remember my time with the Council. The way they looked at me. With hunger in their eyes. It chilled my bones. I had lived in a large mansion with maids and servants. They would dress me like a princess and pile my hair on my head in intricate braids. I would be confined to the mansion. Never to leave, never to open the window to see the world I was forced to live in. And every evening, I would have to eat dinner with them. Water and human food for me (since I was a human soul); Blood and dead corpses for them. It was disgusting to watch. They devoured the bodies and drank glasses of blood like they would wine. And through it all , they would look at me, with those hungry eyes. They would ask me questions. Do I like the mansion, the clothes. When do I think I will be a woman, a big girl, a princess for real. I never answered them, but they still nodded, their fangs showing. One day, I overheard the maids talk about me becoming the Queen of the Demon World, and the bride of the Head of the Devil's Council. I had never met the Head of the Devil's Council, as far as I can remember at least. But the thought of someone like those demons having me be their bride, made me want to stab myself. So I escaped. Late in the night, when the maids had left my room, I quickly unlocked the window, climbed out and ran. I ran and ran into the wilderness of the Demon World.

    After hours of running in only my night gown, I came across a group of small children. Babies almost. With pointed ears and fangs. I retreated with a silent gasp. Demons! But their eyes were so innocent, so scared. One of them began to cry and soon they were all whimpering. I felt something pull in my chest, and I went over to the group. I held them close and whispered calming words to them until they fell asleep. Somehow, it felt right. Like it was where I belonged to be. And since that day, I've been with them, caring for them and loving them as my family. Yes, the Council searched for me, but I eluded them. Its been 4 years since I ran away. We wander the Demon World, robbing homes of rich demons. Once in a while I see a stray newspaper. Always, on the front cover is an image of me. Me in my princess dress and fancy hair. At the age of 12 or 13. And under it is a large ransom that seems to grow constantly. I smirk at the picture, knowing that that girl has disappeared. This was the new me. My body had developed into a healthy and strong 17 year old girl. Also hair is now the palest of white blondes, reaching lower than my waist. The almost toxic air of the Demon World bleached my hair, though I've adapted to it now. In fact, I can't even remember the color of my hair. Black? Brown? All I know is that it stops people from turning me in to the Council. Though some suspect me of my human-like eyes, they never dwell upon it too long. The Council can't hold me prisoner, not anymore.

    I smile at my small companions and ruffle their hair affectionately. "Good job! You got a good batch here, and all by yourselves too!" I said, watching their smiles widen and their eyes glow with pride.